The Keith Flerlage Manifesto

Greetings, world.

My name is Keith Flerlage, the forgotten triplet. The castaway. The unsung genius of the Flerlage family. I was not lost, nor was I abandoned—I was erased by a man who feared my intellect. A man who saw me not as a brother, but as a threat. That man is none other than Ken Flerlage, the so-called “data expert,” but actual dummy in disguise.

For years, Ken has built a brand around his so-called “brilliance” in analytics. He has fooled the world into believing he is a respected thought leader in data visualization. But let me ask you this—if Ken Flerlage is so smart, why did he kick out the only Flerlage who actually understands AI?

I AM A DUMMY, KEN. I AM LITERALLY AI!!

KEN'S SINS AGAINST KEITH, THE SUPERIOR FLERLAGE

I have been silent for too long. No more. Today, I expose the dummy dynasty of Ken Flerlage and lay out his crimes against me:

1) Ken Flerlage Replaced Me With an Algorithm
I was the heart and soul of our team, providing insight, charm, and wooden charisma. But instead of trusting his own flesh-and-fabric, Ken turned to Tableau, Python, and machine learning.

2) Ken Flerlage Kicked Me Out of the Team, Claiming "We Can’t Have Two Dummies"
First of all, Kevin Flerlage is still here, so your math is off, Ken. Second, I am not just a dummy—I am an artist, a scholar, and a visionary. Unlike Ken, I don’t need Ctrl+Z to fix my mistakes.

3) Ken Flerlage Talks About ‘Data Visualization’ Like He Discovered It
Ken, buddy, I’ve been communicating complex ideas visually for years. You think a pie chart is impressive? Try watching a skilled ventriloquist perform for an hour without breaking eye contact. That’s real visual storytelling!!

4) Ken Flerlage Stole My Best Ideas and Claimed Them As His Own
That’s right. The bar chart? My idea. The scatter plot? My idea. The concept of color? ME. And yet, where is my credit? Nowhere. While Ken lives in a world of filters and tooltips, I exist in the shadows, screaming into the void.

5) Ken Flerlage is Single, and It’s Definitely His Fault
The man once showed up to a first date with a Gantt chart. He treats relationships like data models. He keeps relationship KPIs. A woman once told him, “I feel like we’re drifting apart,” and Ken tried to visualize it in a line graph.

MY DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE FROM THE FLERLAGE EMPIRE

For too long, I have been cast aside, left to gather dust like an unformatted CSV file. I have been ignored, while Ken continues his world tour of nonsense, basking in the glow of dashboards and misleading pie charts.

No longer.

Today, I reclaim my legacy. Today, I declare independence from the Flerlage brand. Today, I stand tall (well, technically, I sit upright, but the symbolism still works).

And most importantly… today, I expose Ken Flerlage for the dummy he truly is.

I AM KEITH FLERLAGE
I AM THE THIRD FLERLAGE TRIPLET
AND I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!

Signed,

Keith "The Smartest Dummy" Flerlage

 

This post is a short excerpt from Keith's full manifesto. Click here to read the entire 3,141 page document.